I can feel the butterflies each time I think about that big stage in Robertson Auditorium. Then I breathe. I take a deep slow breath and remind myself that those butterflies are nothing more than the beautiful wings of creativity and connection in process. 

I'm nervous, nervous that I will get off track and my words will get fumbled. I am nervous that I won't do justice to the mother and daughter at the heart of my story. I am nervous that my message won't get through, that in these deeply painful moments of chemotherapy and cancer I might accidentally not be gentle enough, and I might say something that makes people think I know what it is like when I don't know. 

As true as all of this is, at the same time, I am not nervous. I feel ready and strong. My talk has been good to go for days, and I have had the chance to increase my comfort level with each run though. 

Then an email comes through from the Ignite organizer. It's a list of last minute reminders including details on how to work the microphones. The butterflies in my stomach feel like they are on a migration. Then I read, "If you get out of sync - don't sweat it! It usually comes off as charming, and the audience is very supportive. Just skip ahead." 

Of course. I am not in this alone. As I dive deep into my own vulnerability, the audience will follow me. They will be gentle with me. They won't throw rotten tomatoes at me if I fumble my words. 

There is something about "it has it exactly right" that creates a hard edge and keeps the beauty out. It doesn't have to be exactly right. It only needs to carry us and bring us together. It's the connections that matter.

Connect deeply.  

We are in this together.  

Settling in to that thought, I am looking forward to trying something new and all of the growth and learning that will certainly take place along the way. I am grateful for the learning and growth that has already happened. I am excited for friendships waiting to be formed and for the amazing, beautiful friends holding space for me as I do this. 

Thank you for the outpouring of love and support.  Mom and dad, thank you for the flowers. I'll post my slides to my website over the weekend. 

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