WELCOME TO 2021
It's Monday morning. It's a new year, and the kids are back in school. Except they aren't back in school. My two younger children are in the living room trying to connect to the internet and remembering all of the things they do and don't like about zoom.
My teenage son is half way across the county in a residential treatment program. We miss him so much, and my days feel like there is something missing when he is away. All of the experts have a different option on what kind of kid he is and why he struggles so much. No one wants to say that things are particularly hard for him because the system is broken and there is no continuity of care.
His insurance coverage for this program ended yesterday, and we will not find out until sometime this afternoon if they will continue to extend his stay for another week. In theory, I could catch a flight to Utah tonight. I don't have any bags packed, but I did do laundry yesterday.
Covid is hard on top of all of this. Our numbers go down and then spring right back up. Our kids are disconnected from their everyday lives, and as parents, we are taking the weight of so many heavy things.
In the context of all of this, what I really want to talk about is the truth. It's okay for all of this to be hard. You can say that out loud to your friends and even to your children. You can talk about the reality of how hard things are while still being grateful for the things that are meaningful and significant in your life.
As the first full week of a brand new year swings into motion, I feel like we need less secrecy around the reasons we struggle, and more open hearted communication around what helps us feel better. I think we need more time connecting, even over zoom if it is the only safe option we have. I think we need to pause and look into one another's eye (which admittedly is hard for me to do over zoom since I can never to remember to look at the camera), and I think we need to spend more time really listening to the answer when we ask someone, "How are you doing?"
Some days I feel like I am just a photographer and a mom with a broken heart. What could I possibly do to make a difference?
Then I remember, I also have the gift of seeing beauty. I see light where ever I go. I see sunlight reflecting off of sidewalks and snow. I see light streaming through leaves and the bare branches of trees. But I don't just see beauty. I know how to look for beauty in dark places and not just in feel good places. I see light falling into shadow, and I see stars lighting the way.
Through it all, through all that I have been through and all of the stories I you tell, I see light in you, and in every single person that steps in from of my camera.
So this year of 2021 is dedicated to stories light. Sometimes they are stories of pure light, and other times they are stories where darkness almost swallowed the light. There are beautiful stories all around us, often shrouded in pain or with challenges that would make us recoil. But if you look, they are also stories of strength, beauty, and light.
I want to talk more about these stories. I want to share more of them with you. This year I will start telling beautiful light filled stories of women over the age of 44, and I want to start a self portrait series so I can start to see the light in myself too.
Let's keep talking about our brightness. Let's continue to remind one another to shine. But let's not stop talking about why it is hard and the significant challenges that temporarily overshadow our light. Let's also make talking about healing and wholeness natural and accepted because light and shadow work together.
I hope that together we can be beautiful, strong, incredible humans willing to support and uplift one another and even ourselves.
Thank you for following my journey. I look forward to sharing more with each of you. If you have your own reflection to share, please leave a comment. I will get back to you as soon as I can.
Love and light,
Michelle Massey Barnes
2 Comments
Jan 4, 2021, 10:25:51 AM
Michelle Massey - Thank you, Heather. Have you read any of Terry Tempest William's work? I am reminded of the way she talks about wind and rocks and how the wings actually help carve out and shape the canyons. Wind and rock. Light and darkness. Both work together to shape who we are and the world around us.
Please you know the red rock holds a very special place in my heart right now.
Jan 4, 2021, 10:16:29 AM
Heather D Albee-Scott - This is absolutely beautiful, Michelle. I've thought so much about this dichotomy that I'm feeling and you captured it for what it is, which isn't really a dichotomy, but a relationship of togetherness. Light and shadow. Thank you for writing this and thank you for sharing it - along with your journey, with us.