He said: Tell me what you hold inside it?
I said: Pain and sorrow.
He said: Stay with it.
The wound is the place where the Light enters you.
― Rumi
My family has been through so much loss in the last 12 months. Our 14 year old son is struggling with an intense combination of psychiatric concerns, neurological considerations, unmanaged asthma, and high functioning autism. He spent almost the entire past 2 months in the hospital.
As a family, we have lived through countless hours in 3 different hospitals including 5 days in a psychiatric waiting room. Our days were marred with badges, parking passes, and the lingering smell of hand sanitizer. There have been countless phone calls, voicemails, and text messages. Our two younger children, a dog, and a puppy have been shuffled to different homes after school and over the weekend. Our family of 5 has been broken apart and sleeping in 4 different locations more nights than I can remember.
We have an incredible community of friends and family across the states sending love, prayers, and even gift cards. We have needed this support so much. Our local community has been dropping off meals and lunches for the younger kids. Engines and lawnmowers have been delivered to our doorstep for our son to work on and repair. Resources, connections to specialists, and potential paths forward have been offered over and over again. There are so many people holding our family close. It matters beyond words.
While reworking these images, I stripped out the background and saved just the base essence of the portraits. Distractions were ruthlessly removed. I took out clothing straps, over-clumpy drips or clay, and the stray hairs that were interfering with the visual presentation I was seeking.
I reworked the essence of each portrait much like a sculptor would carve away a piece of granite until the beauty of the sculptor's vision came through.
I can't begin to tell you how many hours I spent refining these pieces. It didn't matter. I was on hospital time, and all I had to do was wait, and wait, and wait for nothing at all to change. I did my best to channel the loss, the frustrations, and the brokenness of the mental health system into these 4 portraits, so the art would express the depths of my experience.
I feel these portraits were finally crafted into expressions of what I was originally intending when I first photographed this session. This is where I wanted those portraits to reside, in an unthinkable emotional landscape of colorless despair marked with an unquestionable promise of hope, beauty, and light.
To me, these portraits feel like the promise of healing yet to come, a path forward, and a certainty that in the ashes there is a new beginning.
I know they won't feel the same way to everyone. Art is a mirror that reflects your own experiences and the needs of your individual heart. If these portraits speak to you in any way, and even if they don't, I would love to hear your reflections.
I also want to add that if you need help navigating the mental health system, please do not give hope. The challenges feel insurmountable at times, but there is light for you too. I believe there is an inherent promise of new beginnings. Please keep reaching out until you find your way. You don't have to do this alone.
May we all experience light filling our wounds, and may we remember to be that light for one another.
In beauty,
Michelle Massey Barnes
2 Comments
Feb 13, 2020, 12:35:31 PM
Jeanine - The photograph of the model holding the flowers so close to her heart is breathtaking. I'm struck that the clay, or... her outer shell, is hard but cracked. Those cracks, those broken parts of protection, reveal the softness of a mother's heart behind the hardness of the outside world she must endure. But her pose, and her hands, so gentle... Nothing can break that gentle love.
Feb 13, 2020, 8:03:11 AM
Karen Moore - Wow MIchelle, this was so very beautiful, and each and every photograph spoke right to my heart, As you know, I have been through some things recently that have challenged me to keep my light burning strong in the midst of all of it and to not let the challenges of life nor the enemy that is always lurking ever dim or snuff out my light. Thank you for sharing your story and journey through this dark time. It gives the rest of us hope. I totally love these pictures and you spoke right to my heart and soul with them and with the story of how you tweaked them to send the perfect message, to tell your story, to provoke thought and reflection on a topic so many brush under the rug, our mental health and our health care system regarding it, and how important it is to all aspects of our life and overall health and well being, that our mental health be in check as well. You did all of that while battling through a system that seems to know very little about the topic and or the deep stress it causes for those who love the ones dealing with these kinds of health concerns, or just the overall toll it takes on a family as a whole. My theme for my life recently has been to stay rooted, rooted in who I am, what I am, where I have been and where I am going and to stay rooted in the fact that God created me to beautifully and wonderfully made and to never let anyone dim my light. You are a beautiful gift to all who know and love you. I love you Michelle, thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your and your families journey with all of us who know and love you and your work. You are the most unique and amazing photographer ever, not to mention friend! YOUR LIGHT BURNS BRIGHTLY and motivated those of us who love you to continue to keep our light going strong as well! Sending light and love your way, Karen