REEMERGENCE
Three years ago if you would have told me that I was going to go through one of the most difficult stretches that I could imagine and when I came out on the other side I would create a portrait that I would call Reemergence, I would have had a lot of things to say.
Three years ago, I would have imagined something grand, like Aphrodite rising up out of the ocean standing in a opalescent seashell with waves crashing in the background. Or a phoenix swirling up out of the ashes, feathers outstretched and meticulously retouched. Whatever it was, I would have sure that my reemergence portrait would have been dramatic. Complex. So incredibly artistic. My best work ever.
I also would have told you at the time of my reemergence, whatever I was emerging from would be completely and totally over.
I could not have been more incorrect on either account.
So here’s my first in an upcoming series of reemergence self portraits. It is not grand. In fact, it is not even in focus. The wireless connection between my camera and my phone kept failing, and I could get the camera to focus or remote trigger. But here's the thing, I took it.
I made it into my "pop up" studio in its temporary, amazing location. I made it in.
I took the time to start this self portrait project even though I wasn't wearing any make up. I think I brushed my hair that day. I am pretty darn sure I brushed my teeth.
I’m giving myself a lot of grace in this new beginning. That’s really the truest reemergence. I’ve certainly been through a lot as any parent that has experienced an illness of their child can tell you. I’m learning how to live with and manage chronic stressors. I am learning how to once again find my path forward.
I’m surprised to find that my love of lighting and my ability to listen deeply to the stories that others share have intensified as I traveled through these years of crisis. I’m not coming out of any of this the same person that I was when I went in, and despite the many parts that still feel broken, I am strong, I am confident, and I am ready to be seen.
My self portrait series will only improve... because photography is a progress and an opportunity for self growth not just the click of the shutter. But I am transforming just as much as my work. I have every reason to celebrate both of these changes.
I have many pieces to pick up and put back together along the way. I feel as grainy and as out of focus as this portrait, but I am back in the studio and my heart and soul could not be happier. Thank you for your ongoing patience and support as I rebuild and move forward.
With all my love,
Michelle Massey Barnes
6 Comments
May 7, 2022, 2:32:58 PM
Debbie Mast - Sometimes our expertise in an area makes us focus on what we missed rather than what is so right! So let me weigh in as one of the “point and shoot” people who don’t know squat about proper lighting etc- I love this photo. I see my dear friend with her killer smile and inner strength that says you may knock me down but don’t think I’ll ever stay there. I see a woman refueling thru her passion to create beauty. I see self love and determination in action and I can only say- if the beginning is this good I can’t wait to see what’s next. Much love Debbie
May 6, 2022, 11:42:47 PM
Tommie Moss - Your a beautiful soul
May 5, 2022, 7:11:31 PM
Diana Kardia - Michelle, The incredible grace in this brought me to tears, bringing remembrance of hope to what has been a hard and yet still worthy day. Thank you for all that you are, and all that you share in this way. Sending love.
May 5, 2022, 8:36:52 AM
Lisa Obrecht - Love these pictures they speak from the heart (yours) to the heart ( mine). They speak volumes and are perfectly beautiful. Hugs dear one.
May 4, 2022, 10:47:55 PM
Amy Nash - I hear you. I see you. I love you. Keep sharing the journey. May you continue to be carried by grace, and may you always find your way back home. ♥️
May 4, 2022, 10:36:55 PM
Meredith - So wonderful. Beautiful writing. Beautiful portrait.